What Does The ASU Do- Like, Really Do?

The ASU elections are only getting closer and you may find yourself asking pressing questions like, “What the hell?” “Who are these people?”...

Highly Educated Man in T.A.N. Coffee Shop Struggles to Remember if His Daughter’s Name is Kirsten or Kiersten

Alex McKaigue

Why You (and Both of Your Friends) Should Get Bowl Cuts

Adrian Filice

ASU President’s Office Remains Open over the Holidays

George Philp

Canada

BREAKING: Woody Returns To Mic Mac Mall As a Giant Sex Toy

For decades now Mic Mac Mall’s finest Christmas hero “Woody” the Christmas tree has been on hiatus. Many children who grew up with the beloved tree still remember...

“Do You Hear What I Hear” to be banned from radio play due to taunting of deaf and blind people.

Last week it was decided that “Baby it’s Cold Outside” was to be banned from being played on the radio. Song analysts have determined the song promotes rape...

In Effort to Curb Rising Provincial Depression Rates Liberal Government to Deport Everyone from Dartmouth

Premier of Nova Scotia Stephen McNeil decided to announce his government’s new policy for fighting rising depression rates in Nova Scotia deporting every man...

Teacher at Halifax-area High School Loses Their Shit When Student Takes Their Snickers Bar

The RCMP were doing their daily check-in at Cole Harbour High one afternoon, when they noticed an incident taking place in one of the classrooms...

Sports & Wellness

Top 4 Ways You and Your Roommates Can Save Money For The Holidays

The holidays season can be depressing a depressing time of year if you’re a student, with people spending an excessive amount of money on their loved ones...

Combatting the Holidays

If you’re like me you’re probably dreading the coming holiday season. Whether its the family dinners or busy travel, any activity during this time of year can be...

So, You Got Your Balls Stuck In Your Zipper Again

Hey fellas, we’ve all been there. You’re having a nice pee break after a particularly long night of trying to find happiness in our capitalist fever dream and...

Woman Recovering from ‘Mind-blowing’ Orgasm Pledges to Never Neglect Self-Care Again

Just after 11am last Tuesday morning, Stacey Vanblatt, after experiencing a particularly powerful orgasm, made a pledge to never again neglect prioritizing her...

Local

What Does The ASU Do- Like, Really Do?

The ASU elections are only getting closer and you may find yourself asking pressing questions like, “What the hell?” “Who are these people?”...

Highly Educated Man in T.A.N. Coffee Shop Struggles to Remember if His Daughter’s Name is Kirsten or Kiersten

“All I know is, is that my friend, Steve, told me it’s too late to ask”, stated the man when probed on the name of his youngest daughter. “She already has a kid...

ASU President’s Office Remains Open over the Holidays

Fellow students, As the fall term comes to a close and the holiday season is upon us, it is time for the ASU Executive to take a brief break from our academic and...

Acadia Spends $750,000 On New Sign and Uses Tuition Increase To Pay For it

Acadia University has recently come under fire for building a lavish new sign by the gym while increasing tuition in the past academic year. When The Hatchet...

Opinions

Why You (and Both of Your Friends) Should Get Bowl Cuts

As the years barrel onwards trends come and go transforming the sex symbols of yesteryears into outdated goobers through a modern lens. If the ancient Greeks...

Wine About It

What wine pairs best with beef? Which brand should you take to that event that feels more like obligation than socialization? As is often the case with alcohol...

Students Don’t Care

After a long profitable summer of cutting corners and increasing tuition, Acadia University has successfully earned the title of “The Most Expensive University in...

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