Canada

BREAKING: Woody Returns To Mic Mac Mall As a Giant Sex Toy

By
Brandon De Aguiar
on
December 7, 2018

For decades now Mic Mac Mall’s finest Christmas hero “Woody” the Christmas tree has been on hiatus. Many children who grew up with the beloved tree still remember him and wish that Mic Mac Mall would bring him back so that a new generation of kids can enjoy him.


Finally, after years of dreams being crushed, Mic Mac Mall has decided to bring back Woody to the mall...but in a more erotic way. Mic Mac Mall’s Building Manager has stated that Woody will no longer be a Christmas Tree but instead a Christmas Wooden Dildo. Families can now go to Mic Mac Mall and see a 15 feet tall sex toy covered in Christmas decorations. It even blows out fake snow every 15 minutes to help spread the Christmas joy. However old fans of the children's tree were slightly confused with the decision and panicked that their own children might be scared for life.


“I don’t know about you, but Mic Mac Mall sucks now, everyone is going to the Halifax Shopping Centre to do their Christmas shopping. One could say the competition is ... stiff. We had a board meeting, and we thought of numerous ways to possibly get our customers back. We then thought about how people love feeling nostalgic, so we decided to bring Woody back to get in more people”.


The Hatchet News Team obviously had to ask... "Why a wooden dildo though?" In response, the Building Manager had but two words:


“Sex sells”


Looks like it will a be a white Christmas in Dartmouth this year.


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