Opinions

Top 5 Best Shapes, Ranked

By
Sid Kondapuram
on
September 30, 2018

We at Buzzfee- er.. I mean The Hatchet like to have our fingers on the pulse of what millenials are asking of us in terms of content. Our omniscient and venal Magic 8-Ball suggested ‘Lists’; so without further ado, here is a list:

#1 Circle

For early humans circles represented wildberries--a fruit of toil and one worthy of valorization-- but to the current gaggle of effete post-modernists it represents so much more. Pulsating sexual energy oozes from its infinitesimal edges, or as the great Richard Feynman better explains it “Circles are dumb thicc”. We at The Hatchet are inclined to agree with Dr. Feynman.


#2 Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

What other shape has spawned a lineage of braindead, craven, greedy Lolbertarians than this trash fire of a fucking book. Fuck you Ayn Rand and your stupid rectangular shaped screed and your wimpish Objectivism. I’d pick LeVeyan Satanism any gosh darn day.


#3 Hexagon

This one’s alright, I guess. No big deal; nothing to write home about, but it’s not too bad.


#4 Parallelogram

Some of history’s greatest authors were parallelograms. Babe Ruth, Audrey Hepburn, Ben 10. The list goes on. The raw prowess and affinity for prose that parallelograms have is second to none.


#5 Trapezoid

Because whose favorite midnight snack isn’t an egg? Mine! So Trapezoid comes in at #5. What can be said about a Trapezoid that isn’t already the description of a Nicholas Sparks novel? The trapezoid has been a devoted friend in the dark times, and a capable and willing lover in the cold winter mornings. Please - call us back.


Bonus:

Cory in the House

Everyone’s favourite anime.

Latest Entries

Local

Acadia Spends $750,000 On New Sign and Uses Tuition Increase To Pay For it

Sports & Wellness

Top 4 Ways You and Your Roommates Can Save Money For The Holidays

LATEST VIDEOS

HOROSCOPES

Virgo

Virgo, your attention to the most minute details will get the best of you this finals season. Your trivial fixations will eventually make you go insane and your friends are going to have no choice but to check you into the nearest psych ward.

Cancer

So.. we’ve all been talking, and.. well, I hate to be the one to tell you this .. but everyone thinks you’ve been a bit of a dick lately. Even that annoying person in your friend group that everyone pretends to like agrees. So, while the new moon will supposedly bring major change, we aren’t holding our breath.

Libra

Not getting a clear reading from the stars.. here's the weather report for this week: Saturday and Sunday will be a mix of sun and cloud, with full sun on Monday and a light rain rolling in Tuesday. Wednesday we'll see more sun and cloud with a chance of snow, heading into mainly sun on Thursday and Friday.

Click For More

LATEST POLL

What should Wolfville's new name be?

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.