Local

What Does the Ath Do- Like, Really Do?

By
Brandon De Aguiar
on
March 11, 2019

We all see the Ath's name around campus. But no one knows what they actually do. Do they sell sandwich meat? Do they pay for my student loans? Well in this article we'll tell you exactly what they do.

Editor In Chief:


This title can be summed as a glorified “Sheldon Cooper” of the ASU. The Editor In Chief knocks on the doors of the ASU exec team constantly looking for High School Drama amongst the university and labels it as “news”. Be careful when letting this person into your door because he/she tries to act like your best friend. You guys will be drinking brews and laughing at the fact that Cheaton Cup is on a Wednesday. The next thing you know is that you’re crying with a blackfly in hand, telling your life story on how you came to Canada on a boat and the next headline you see on the Ath is “Aliens from unexplored territory take their ship to Wolfville  for better health insurance”.



Copy Editor:


The copy editor is arguably one of the most risky positions at The Ath. Your sole purpose is to never pass in any of your own work to the university. Instead, you have to steal or copy other people's assignments and pass them in as your own. You also can’t answer midterms and exams yourself but have to that look over at someone’s else paper and steal their answers. The thing is, though, if you’re caught, you’re fired and kicked out of university. It’s like a catch-22 but the only thing you’re catching is a dying future.


Photography Manager:


This positions cool especially if you’re a creep and like getting up and close in people’s personal space. Your role in this position is to go up to people at the worst possible time and ask them if you can take a picture. See a couple arguing about one of them cheating? A normal person would mind their business and walk away, but nope as Photography manager you’re obligated to go up front and take a picture. Also don’t be a dick , ask them to pay for the photo AFTER you take the photo. It’s called class and that’s what the Ath is all about.


Section Editor:


Similar to EIC’s position, except instead of harassing the ASU, you’re harassing your friends. Hitting them up on Facebook, Instagram and demanding they write articles for you. It’s also really hard for anyone to be your friend with this position. Me personally I can’t talk to my friends who work at the Ath anymore because anytime I express an opinion or explain something there go to response is “Nice thought, write an article about it and send it to the Ath”.


NO KYLE I DON’T WANT TO WRITE A GODDAMN ARTICLE ABOUT MACHINE LEARNING , LET ME PLAY MY GODDAMN NINTENDO SWITCH IN PEACE



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