HOROSCOPES

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Aquarius

Jan. 20-Feb. 18

If you’re looking for a sign indicating that you’re progressing in the right direction in your life right now, just look in the mirror. How could you possibly get any worse?

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Pisces

Feb 19- March 20

You'll be feeling extra creative the next couple of weeks. Not sure how to express it? You could order a custom license plate, get a tramp stamp, start a "photography" account on Instagram, or set a series of small fires. There are so many options.

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Aries

March 21-April 19

You will find yourself continually occupied with social situations this month. It is important to remember that no matter how busy you are, you are everyone’s second or third choice to hang out with.

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Taurus

April 20-May 20

No notable changes.

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Gemini

May 21-June 20

Mars, your planet of aggression transitions into your opposite sign later month. You'll probably lose your cool at the slow walkers in front of you, bring up something your S.O did two months ago that really pissed you off, and absolute blow up when someone is eating too loudly next to you in class. Embrace your aggression. Start some drama. It's like chicken soup for the soul.

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Cancer

June 21-July 22

Later this month will find yourself feeling the urge to participate in self-destructive patterns of behaviour after you realize how much fun that sort of thing is. Making life choices is way easier when you don't even consider the consequences!

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Leo

July 23- Aug. 22

A new moon this month will encourage you to be more outspoken than you usually are. And no, that doesn’t mean you can just catcall people from the passenger seat of your buddy’s car, you dick.

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Virgo

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

Why don't you get off campus for a bit? You're probably feeling restless studying for midterms and are in need of some adventure. There are so many places you can go right in the town of Wolfville! Why not sit amidst the hills of grass in Clock Park? Or do your grocery shopping at the elusive Cuts Meat Market? For the more enthusiastic of you, try your hand at a Magic the Gathering tournament at Rainbows End. Wolfville is basically Las Vegas if you try hard enough to make the analogy work.

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Libra

Sept. 23- Oct. 22

The grind will be hitting you hard for the latter half of this month Libra. Take a break every once in a while. Just find a nice, quiet place to sit outside, relax, look up at the stars, and realize you know basically nothing about the world you live in.

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Scorpio

Oct. 23-Nov. 21

Your energy flow has been unpredictable lately, but later this month it will come in handy when you need it most. In moments of crisis, you will find yourself able to lift transport trucks, leap medium-sized buildings, and lie to your parents about your spending habits.

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Sagittarius

Nov. 22-Dec. 21

As a Sagittarius, you have a keen passion for the arts. Don't hide it! Share it by loudly letting everyone know exactly how much you think the band on stage right now “fucking sucks.”

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Capricorn

Dec. 22-Jan. 19

Look at what you've done. Look at it. You ought to be ashamed.

Note: These horoscopes are not written by a licensed astrologer. In fact, the person who wrote them has no marketable skills at all. Horoscopes are bullshit anyways.
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